Everybody has a favourite flavour. My ex (or one of them, can't remember which) liked vanilla. Mine, of late seems to be sarcasm topped with a sprinkling of irony. Honestly, I have become the most morbidly depressing person around for a mile.

Take for example this one incident which happened when I was waiting outside an ATM for cash. There was this ugly chick in line in front of me. Now that itself I found ironic coz you can't, in my dictionary be an ugly chick....i mean you're either a chick or you're ugly...but whatever. So this ugly chick (henceforth referred to as UC) is standing in line in front of me and she's talking aloud on the phone with some other person (referenced henceforth by --- since I couldn't hear what he/she said). I could hear only one side of the conversation, and here's how it went...

UC: Hey dude...what's up?

---

UC: No, nothing like that. Just called coz I had come to your colony to go to the ATM.

Me muttering: (Now why would he/she wanna know that?? Worser still...why do I have to hear this!! Anyway, continuing...)

UC: Oh, no I won't come over. I have to go to the beauty parlour after this.

(I almost choked trying to stifle my laugh here)

---

Me muttering: (I wonder if the irony in that statement ever struck her. It's like me going to a Gym!! Hell, maybe that's why she came to the ATM. To take out cash to go to the beauty parlour coz they probably overcharge her to work on her. Hey...but even that's not gonna change the way you look. Money only goes so far!!! But nice nice me...just kept silent!!)

UC: Oh, you know my husband, he bought this huge suitcase. 4000 bucks. Can you imagine?

---

Me muttering: (I don't know who you're talking to lady, but I couldn't have for the death of me imagined that you'd call me up simply because you're in my colony to tell me your hubby bought a suitcase. Speaking of which, I really think you're lucky to have a hubby. Is he blind?? )

UC: No. I'm leaving next week. I had all these trinkets I didn't pack yet. I was planning on leaving them or taking a small bag. My husband asked me if I needed something. I said I don't know. Was just wondering there's so much stuff. And he went out and bought this huge suitcase. How dumb can you be?

---

Me muttering: (Frustrated to the point of hanging myself now!!! Damn ATM queues take so long.... Anyway, get the point lady. Your hubby wants you out. Did he get his eyes operated? )

UC: That's what I'm saying, he's always so extravagant. I couldn't imagine. 4000 bucks. Any simple bag would've done. He bought such a huge thing. I don't even know how to tell my parents. Why would he buy something so expensive? It's so ridiculous. Guys are such sticklers for quality. I should've gone shopping myself.

Me muttering: (That proves it. He got his eyes worked on. That's why he bought something so expensive. He probably didn't want to risk you coming back because of broken baggage. And you said it yourself. Guys are sticklers for quality. Just imagine where you stand then?? )

-----------------------

Anyway, I won't bother you with the details of the rest of the conversation lest you think I'm putting you through the same misery I had to undergo there. But nonetheless, you do get the point. And unless the nurse smashed a table on your head the minute you were born, you would remember the point was how ironic and sarcastic I had become. I mean I look at gardens and think ....geez, what a collosal waste of land. It's unlike the way I normally am, but that's how it is now. I am hoping it improves before I apply for a job in kindergarten to teach pornography to kids. But then again, at this point of time, I think it's a damn fine idea. Lets see.

   [ POSTED BY d_tox_ed @ 9:05 AM ] [ 8 comments ]