Nothing's infinite, except the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not so sure about the first - Or so said Albert Einstein. You don't have to be Einstein to figure out that human stupidity is indeed infinite. Take Standard Chartered Bank for example. I called them up one day

Me: Hi, this is Druggie. I have a new StandChart Credit Card. I kinda shifted my house and never got my Card pins (all of them...netbanking, card pin, phone banking etc) in the process. Could I apply for a new one?
(After tons of verifications.....from What colour is your underwear.... to Who was your great grandad's first crush....sigh)
CCE (Cust Care Exec) : Certainly sir. That'll be 250 bucks.
Me: What for? I never got it the first time you sent it coz and it was already over 3 weeks late.
CCE: Sorry sir, we did send them. And it's standard rates for each application for a new set of pins.
Me: (Figuring I did shift anyway) Ok, no problem. Do it then.
CCE: I already did sir.
Me: After a long pause....so what are my Pins? Don't I get them?
CCE: Sorry sir, I can't reveal it to you over the phone. It'll be mailed to your address.
Me: !@#!@# (Silently) Well, do you know where I live?
CCE: Yes sir, we have your address in our records.
Me: Yes, but i told you I shifted. I don't live there anymore. I stay at XXX now.
CCE: I'm sorry sir, but as per bank records, we can only send it to the address we have with us.
Me: Well, then change that. I stay here now. Update your records and send it to me.
CCE: Sir, you'll need to update the address yourself through your netbanking logon.
Me: But I told you I lost my pins?
CCE: I'm sorry sir, then it'll be sent to the address we have and you can get that and logon.
Me: But why can't you send it to me?
CCE: Because if we send it to an address out of our records, we cannot guarantee that it will reach you. It may go to somebody else, and a pin is confidential.
Me: But listen up man, if you send it to the address you have, I CAN guarantee that it WON'T reach me and it WILL go to somebody else. What happends to your confidentiality then?
CCE: That is the procedure sir.
Me: God, I'm sick of this. I don't want a standard chartered card. Cancel it. I don't want to deal with this.
CCE: I'm sorry sir. I can't do that also. You'll have to submit your card to us after clearing all your unpaid dues.
Me: Unpaid dues? What unpaid dues? I never used this card?
CCE: I just billed you 250 for a new pin sir. You'll have to clear that and submit the card to us also at the time of cancellation.
Me: What the.....

Makes me wonder where the darn buggers will go looking for me if I disappear with 250 bucks in unpaid dues? The place where I stay or the place they have on their records.

   [ POSTED BY d_tox_ed @ 4:02 PM ] [ 5 comments ]

I'm suffering from a really bad cold right now. If there's one thing I hate more than being down in bed with fever, it's suffering from a cold. Right now I feel worse than a hot water bottle stuffed in a choke hold under the armpits of Yokozuna.

It's at instances like this that I run to the person who brought me up with so much laad and pyaar. My mother dearest.

Me: Hello ma, this is me.
Ma: Hello beta. Why do you sound so different?
Me: I have a cold ma. Sniff. Bad one. Can't even get out of bed.
Ma: Take care of yourself. Have some soup. Nothing to worry about.
Me: Is it serious ma? Will I get pneumonia? I have this funny pain in the neck and chest. Could it be a mumps and TB combo? I feel funny in the head too.
Ma: Relax. It's nothing. It's just a cold. You'll be fine. Just keep yourself warm. Wear a sweater or something.
Me: ... :-(...

Thus reassured that I wasn't dying, I then proceeded to tell everyone I knew, had ever known, who lived around, whose number was on my phonebook, that I was suffering from a cold. It's one of the two things I like telling everyone around me. The other is my birthday.

F1: Hi druggie. Wassup?
Me: Hi man. I've got a cold. A real bad one....
F1: Aww man. So you won't be going out right? Give me your bike for the day then.
Me: .... :-(... $$%#$#@!!!!!!!

Boy, with friends like these, who needs enemies. I desperately needed some cheer and happiness around these parts. I decided to call in sick. I don't do that too often, so I figured it'd be a cake walk. Especially with my throat like a frog croaking for a mate.

Me: Hello Boss
Boss: Hello. What happened? You sound different.
Me: Boss I've got a bad bad cold. Barely able to talk.
Boss: Oh, that's bad. Thank god you don't have a fever or you wouldn't have been able to come to office today. Anyway, take care. Catch you later, kinda busy now.
Me: .... :-( ... @#$@#%^^$%!!!!!!! ! (*$##$%Y(&$%#!!!!!!!!! :-( :-(

Next time I'm calling in dead!

   [ POSTED BY d_tox_ed @ 3:33 PM ] [ 5 comments ]

Somebody was right when they said I had writer's blog....I mean writer's block. Downright disgusting. And the worst part is, I am proving all my critics right. From the guy who said that reading what I write is about as interesting as staring up a dog's backside, to the pretty girl downstairs who thinks my blog is dying a slow death, all the way down to the jackass I have for a room mate who thinks I have the intelligence of a wooden chair and asks me If I use someone's help to write my blog.

I have my excuses alright. I can defend myself. Yeah you hear me? I was busy. As in BUSY. My employer thinks I'm the next best invention to the doormat. I work till I sleep and then I work some more. You thought sleeping at work was bad? Try working while you sleep and you'll know. Oh yeah, and my room mates, they need me too. According to them, the sole purpose of my existence on this miserable planet is to drive them to and fro to the neighbourhood chai waala. Then my clothes need washing, my dvd's need watching, India plays pakistan and I have to support their loss. I need to scheme to overthrow my team lead. The women in red need to be chased. And inspite of all that, if I find the time to blog, I, my dear friends, deserve a goddamn Bravery award for devotion to duty.

And now that I'm done defending myself, I, from this moment, pledge that I will blog more regularly. I will post more frequently. I will honour thy requests. I will save the lion tailed macaque from extinction. I will single handedly chase all terrorists from Kashmir by singing to them. I will donate VIP frenchies to all homeless kids in Somalia (I love...loove...louve you). And take heed of it friends. Take heed of it now. For tomorrow morning, I may be sober. Tally Ho.

   [ POSTED BY d_tox_ed @ 3:00 PM ] [ 1 comments ]