Digicams are the latest craze to hit the town. A surprisingly large number of my friends have asked for my "valuable" inputs on which camera to buy, megapixels and zoom and all. Now giving out all this advise to so many people is kind of against my nature, because as a matter of principle, I for one do believe that too much work is actually detrimental. So as a true disciple of the "laziness pays off now" policy, I am posting my views here as a tribute to all wannabe advise-seekers.

1. How many megapixels is good?

Good question. But wrong person to ask. I am by nature an ugly dude. Look at the picture on the left for reference...no, he's not me, but he's cute by my standards. So, irrespective of how many megapixels you shoot me at, it's gonna stay the same. The camera isn't going to improve the way I...or for that matter you (no offense intended)...look!!!. If you wanna take it from me, honestly speaking, buy the lowest clarity camera you can find. For best results,use plenty of make-up, darken the room till you can barely see your hands, don't use the flash and if possible try shaking the camera while you're clicking for a fantastic motion effect which blurs the ugliness so much that you can pass it off as bad cameramanship. (Hey....what do you prefer...stupid photo or ugly face??? My choice was made in a second.... The defense rests !!)

2. What about zoom? Digital or Optical?? 3X or 12X ??? Confusion!!!

Take my word for it and skip the zoom. I mean everybody has a level of comfort. Personality development books call it comfort zone. And when you look like me, you wanna make sure everyone stays as far away from it as possible. I mean as if the fact that you're looking evil from far off isn't enough, why do you want to close in on it? I say you'd probably get a camera cheaper without the zoom. Use the extra money to buy a mask or something and you'll thank me later. Honest.

3. Should I buy a 512 MB memory card or a 1 GB one?

That one's a technical question really. But you're lucky I studied engineering, so I can answer that with relative ease though you'll have to kind of follow my journey through the planes of common sense on the path to enlightenment. The answer my friend, is simpler than you'd think. It depends. Primarily, on the quantity of ugliness you want to store. If we get down to the technical aspects of it, if you want to store 200 visualisations of ways you did not want to look... (or 200 stupid photos if you read point 1 above and implemented it) ...then a 512 MB is enough. Else buy a 1 GB. But I really wouldn't recommend that without a certain degree of corrective surgery done first. Hope you get the picture...I mean point. And for sake of added emphasis...I implore you to yet again (yes, make an effort if you have to...) look at the picture on the left and then think about me. Do you "really" think you "really" want to store 200 more like those?

4. What is an SLR? Is it good? Some people tell me it's the best. Should I buy one?

Boy, you sure are getting technical really quickly aren't you? Man, I shouldn't have told you about the engineering stuff. Anyway, here goes. SLR stands for Single Lens Reflex. For those not initiated in tech talk yet, it means there's a mirror inserted in between the film and the lens to give you a clearer image. But tell me honestly, when the very thing we're trying to do, is blur out the image, why would you want a clearer picture of it? And if you ask me, a pig looks like a pig...look at it through a lens or through a mirror, whichever have you... it ain't gonna change the way it looks.

5. What about price? What budget should I look for??

You sure are persistent aren't you? Anyway, if you've read all this way then know this, a haircut costs 50 bucks and facials about 200. Get a deal on the cosmetics and you're still paying lesser than you might for a camera. Of course, that also depends on the "degree" that the face looking back at you from the mirror needs working on. But in the long run, I'd figure you're better off investing in Laboratories Garnier than on Canon.

6. So what do I do now?? You're not helping you know!!!

Hey...I just speak the truth. Like it or leave it. Besides, look at it this way, people like us...yep, you and me...we gotta watch the mirror every day. Why oh why, would you wanna make it worse by etching it indelibly in print? Make sense huh? But anyway, if you're the kind who grew up eating chalk pieces in class and really feel the need to buy one, then buy a Nikon Coolpix L11. And for those of you who were paying special attention to the SLR question, but subsequently had all your logical reasoning neurons karataed out of you by a Bruce Lee look alike at the neighbourhood soup stall, go ahead and take a look at the Nikon DSLR X40. Rest of you guys who've found their way to Moksha through this blog (ok, the mask buyers... you can count yourselves in too) ...don't feel down. Keep watching Michael Jackson. If he has hope, so do we!!!

   [ POSTED BY d_tox_ed @ 12:52 PM ] [ 7 comments ]